Friday, November 12, 2004

Lighter Side??

I have a draft started to continue my therapy about Clark.. but I feel like I want to just blog, blog about nothing or blog about something.... I am 51, probably much older then the bloggers I have read. The blogs that disturb me are the suicide blogs, or the worry of suicide. I tried to commit suicide when I was 19, I had given birth and given up my child for adoption. I wrote your typical suicide letter, put on my nightgown, swallowed several Seconal and layed down to die. Well, I don't remember this but evidently I really didn't want to die. I had gotten up and went next door to a friend of mine for help. They were not there...but even though I wasn't saved at the time, the Lord decided to help me out. My friend, who I went to get help from, was with her husband and was planning on spending the night with their relatives. The miracle occurs here, she felt such a strong urge to go home, she convinced her husband to do so. Well, when she got back to her apartment, she saw that my cats were out, so she walked down the hall and saw my door ajar. Of course, by that time I was gone. They couldn't wake me no matter what they did. They called 911 ..... I have a very brief memory of puking over and over (how nice)...I remember someone saying did you drink Bleach? (I had some bleach in the bathroom, where I had cleaned something). My response was "NO, what do you think I am crazy?" To this day that makes me chuckle, I just tried to kill myself, so that was a very logical question for them to ask, but to me I was horrified, DRINK BLEACH?????? I ended up in ICU, a breathing tube, and the Lord taking care of me. I fully recovered, and though there are times I get a glimpse of suicide, I learned a lesson from that experience.. that no matter what happens, it will get better... I want to let you know that if you even think of suicide, please..please... wait... it will, I promise.. it will get better.....You will have many, many happy moments

I had to change my title from Lighter Side ...to Lighter Side??

1 comment:

Melaina RN, PHN, MS, CNS, ACHPN said...

Wow. I'm so glad that you were found! What a frightening story. And very inspirational - the reminder that things do get better. I'm certainly glad that they have gotten better for you.