Saturday, January 29, 2005

Graham Crackers

Clark had to have a "Peg" inserted during his stay in ICU, I believe I mentioned this in an earlier post. I added a link on my side bar for Tube Feeding, if you have an interest for more detail. That was one of those hard decisions for me, I understood what they were telling me, that it would be easier on Clark, rather then having the nose feeding tube. But, it felt like I was admitting to myself and to Clark that he might not being coming back so quick. I signed their form though and the next day they made me leave the room, so they could insert it. I wanted to stay and see what they do, but they encouraged me rather strongly to wait in the family room. Clark ended up having that tube for about 1 1/2 months. Which, really isn't to bad compared to most people, with a medical problem. I felt bad for him, after he came around and he would want to try solid food, but couldn't, everything was poured into his Peg.
The day finally came though for Clark to have his swallow test, they let me come along and watch. It was amazing to see Clark's bones in his skull. Not to many wives can say they know their husbands inside and out, and mean it literally. Anyway, they started with thicker foods first, and worked progressively down to liquids. I could actually see the food enter his mouth, chewing and then swallowing.
Well, after 26 days of no food by mouth, Clark was allowed FOOD. He passed the SWALLOW TEST. We went back to his room and they gave him a Graham cracker and I will never forget the smile of pure joy on his face. The cooing coming from his throat, it tasted soooo good ! I broke down in tears of JOY that he could finally eat something by mouth. The Peg had to stay in though for 6 weeks after insertion. Something, to do with the healing? I never understood the reasoning behind this fully. Maybe, someone can enlighten me, if they read this and know the answer.
Remember the next time you eat a graham cracker, slow down and really taste it and feel it, like you haven't eaten in months..... Oh, thank God for taste buds!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Apraxia

Apraxia: is a motor disorder in which volitional or voluntary movement is impaired without muscle weakness. The ability to select and sequence movements is impaired.
Oral apraxia affects one ability to move the muscles of the mouth for non-speech purposes, for example. Apraxic speakers "grope" for the correct word; they may make several attempts at a word before they get it right. It not only affects language, which is my next story.

Clark is home in this story, and I have to go back to work. I have used up all my short term disability and Clark seems to be capable enough to stay alone. I have asked our friend who lives down the road to check on him when he can.
I had only mentioned to the therapist in passing, that Clark couldn't work the remote to the TV without my help, or go to the bathroom without my help, etc. I thought Clark's memory was impaired and he couldn't remember how to do these things. But, it actually was apraxia, which Dave the therapist discovered when he saw Clark try to fix his own cup of coffee. They were actually excited about working with him on this, because they had only encountered one other person with this problem and they were not as bad as Clark. For example, when he had to go to the bathroom, he sometimes would be fine, but other times he would come to me and gesture at his penis, since he had trouble getting the words out, that he needed me to show him "how" to go. I would take him to the toilet, explain and show him how to accomplish this feat, where as he would nod quickly that he got it. One story that really stands out in my memory is this one: The occupational therapist decided that when Clark had to fix himself a meal, it should always be the same thing, so he could get the sequence down in the brain. Repetition you know? Well, Clark liked raisin bran and that was safe, since he didn't have to use the stove or microwave. I set out the cereal, a bowl and a spoon, side by side. I had Clark come to the kitchen, where I explained and showed him how to prepare his lunch. Pour the cereal in the bowl, open the refrigerator, get the milk out, take the lid off and pour it on the cereal. Put the lid back on the milk and place it back in the refrigerator. He agreed he could do this, so I loaded up and went off to work. Tick, tock, tick tock.....the day is over, and I walk in the door after work. I see the cereal box and the milk sitting out, but no bowl. I open up the refrigerator to put the milk away and my eyes open a little wider, while I try to wrap them around what I am seeing. There is the bowl on the shelf with milk in it. He wasn't able to sequence the correct order to get his cereal ready !! I put the milk away and start to go see Clark, when I see a Cup of Soup (you know the kind you peel the lid away and add water and heat it in the microwave). I walk over to the table and there it is, upside down with little dents in the bottom, next to it is a pair of pliers. OH MY.....poor Clark, he tried to get his cereal and that didn't work, so he decided on trying the cup of soup. He couldn't figure out how to open it, so pliers seemed like the answer. I rushed out to the living room where he is wrapped up to his chin in a blanket, watching TV. I say "Oh Clark you must really be hunger, huh?" He shook his head, yes. I felt so bad. But, I admired his ingenuity and his effort to try. The next day needless to say, I called for help from the County, Meals on Wheels to the rescue. This worked out great, not only did they bring him lunch everyday, but there was someone checking on him around noon everyday. The sequencing is really the strangest condition of Clark's stroke. I can't put it in words really. It amazes me how the brain works, how it can be damaged and yet it can find new paths to accomplish what it needs to. Clark's apraxia was horrible don't get me wrong, but it also made us laugh and brought us very close.
What more could you ask for.....

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Sex and Shrimp

Clark is home in this story and we have quickly discovered he has lost his sense of taste, or more that it has changed drastically. He goes through phases, he sometimes eats only tomato soup or eggs and for a while only grapes. I try to fix all of his favorites but as soon as he gets it in his mouth, he grimaces and looking like a little kid, he spits it out. I usually have to put my hand out to catch it, or it lands in his lap or the floor or where ever.
So, I decide okay I will fix him some shrimp, he always loved shrimp.
I decide to tell him in the morning my great idea for dinner. "Clark, we are going to have shrimp tonight, okay?" He mumbles okay and that is that. The day continues on and Clark takes his usual long nap. Sleeping a lot is expected after a stroke, and this holds true for him, he can sleep about 16 hours a day. Anyway, he awakes from his nap and comes out to couch and ask me.."So do you want sex tonight?" I am very suprised by this question, since Clark has totally lost interest in sex since his stroke, much to my dismay. I look at him and say "well, yes I would like that, do you want to?" He says "No not really". So I continue on, reassuring him that is okay. I miss sex, but I can wait until he is better and even if he never wants to again, I will understand and we will make do. The conversation goes on for about a half hour back and forth, when Clark in total frustration says "I thought you wanted to have sex tonight? Now you don't?!" You said you wanted sex, as he holds out his index finger and it is curled like the shape of a ...shrimp? OH MY GOD, it hits me like a bolt of lightning.... "Clark, you aren't talking about sex are you? You are talking about shrimp for dinner tonight !!??" Clark looks at me like I am a total nut and says "Yes, sex for dinner?" I can't help but crack up laughing about this conversation. Clark was speaking Strokanese and I thought he was speaking English. Like I said in an earlier post, I need to create a Srokanese dictionary and Sex means shrimp in Strokanese. This is one of the many stories I will never forget, although I do forget all the words exactly, I think you can still get the idea. Oh my, oh my what are we to do? Love and laugh and enjoy each other to the very end.....

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year

I can't believe a month has almost passed since my last post. I have a draft on Clark's new language, but I guess I needed a break from the past. It was time to live in the present. Which, means this blogging has probably helped me get past the last year or so. I wish all of you a happy new year....I will continue with Clark's and my story, but it will probably be in a different format. More short stories or times I remember that were sad, happy and so on. I also want to just blog about anything.
Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR !!