Friday, April 01, 2005

Go for the Pass

Wednesday is the day, Clark will be put under general anesthesia, have his ribs parted and spread, people will be seeing parts of Clark again, that I will never see. Part of me wants to be in the operating room, watching quietly and seeing exactly what they are doing. I would need to detach myself totally. Go to that focus place, where you push the emotions way down, so far down they don't exist, you just concentrate on what needs to be done. You see them part the ribs, I imagine you smell blood and bone, a burnt smell maybe, as the ribs are separated, then you would see the heart beating.
I sometimes think about the fact that, the neurosurgeon, actually saw his brain, he saved him, by having the skill and training to do what he does. And now Dr. B, a small man, with a workaholic attitude, small clean hands, will see his heart,lungs, and bones. Enough of that, I could actually go on and on, but the fact is, this happening to Clark, and to not have emotions surface is not possible.

Dr. B and his nurse were very honest and descriptive. I hope I have this right, it is hard to absorb all they are saying, when they are talking about your loved one, but here I go....They will remove a vein (or artery (I am not sure which is right) that isn't really necessary) from behind the heart, and use it for one bypass, then take some from his legs. Dr.B lifted the sheet and inspected his leg for potential vein sites, running his fingers over the area, and noticed the scar from before and looked quizzical?? I reminded him, you took that vein for his carotid artery surgery. Of course, he doesn't remember, but knows the procedure he does, so nods like he does remember. Anyway, he continues... we will use these veins to bypass your clogs. We will have tubes in your heart, for the heart / lung machine, which will keep your blood pumping through out your body. After, we are done, we will remove the tubes from your heart. Start your heart pumping on it's own again. Pull your chest back together and wire it in about 3 to 5 places. Those wires will stay there permanently. We will stitch you up inside, and they will dissolve.
We then got instructions on how Clark needs to practice breathing into the breath contraption after the surgery. I was warned that Clark would not want to do this, because of the pain, but I must make sure he does....

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