The Bee

I park under a tree at work, so the shade keeps the car cooler. I notice everyone keeps their windows up and the doors locked, but on the hot days, I leave my windows down. I like to sit in the car, when I have break or lunch and enjoy the quiet. Today, I went to my car and continued to read a book, Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. It is a great read in my opinion. But, in the midst of reading, something got my eye, a bee, a very small bee. It entered one of four, very small holes, about the size of a cocktail straw, right below where my radio is. It was a smaller then a honey bee, I really am not sure what kind it was. It crawled into the hole for a short period of time, then flew back out the window on the passenger side. I continued to read, and there it was again, back into the hole. I thought, I should put my windows up, or block that little hole, but I was fascinated by that little bee. It is so busy building a nest, it's instincts are in high drive. So,I left my windows down and went back to work. When I came out for lunch, the bottom little hole on the left, was covered with the bee's efforts. And no surprise, there it was again, but this time it entered the top left. It came in and flew away several times. It never noticed me, it was too busy doing what it was meant to do. Anyway, I went back into work, and as silly as it might sound, I continued to think about that bee. Finally, the work day was over, as I walked to my car, I wondered, will it be in the hole, or will it be out gathering it's needs for the nest? I got in the car and saw no bee, I thought about that wonderful bee off and on all the way home, looking at that hole, is it in there? I really should have put my window up, because that determined bee, spent all day building a nest, that was gone after the worker's clock sounded.....

Emotions are High

The general surgeon tells Clark and I that the biopsy was actually a lumpectomy. He asked me to consider a mastectomy, but I instantly reacted to no. It was so small, caught so early. He told me to find an oncologist. She gave me good news, that it was estrogen positive, and Tamoxiphen was prescribed to block the estrogen my body produces. No food, no cancer !
But, she wanted a lymphectomy done. This is where Clark and I had our fight....
Clark felt that I should not have it done, he was fearful and had encountered other women, who suffered from lymphdema. I on the other hand felt I should listen to the doctors. Both Dr. T and Dr. L felt I should make sure it had not spread to the lymph nodes. My father died of colon cancer, and the suffering he went through was unbearable for him. He was not a big man, but when he died, he weighed 68 lbs., was in a veterans hospital, in a fetal position, with bed sores. I was 9 when he was diagnosed, and watched him cry when he lost his hair, and heard him scream in pain. I remember so many anguished moments. Anyway, I think that is why I was so strong in the fight, that I would have the operation. I did talk to Dr. L and told her I wanted them to only remove the sentinal lymph node, if they could locate it. But, Dr. T (the surgeon) removed 14 lymph nodes. That shocked me he took so many, but the good news, all were negative for cancer. I remember Clark fighting with me, not to have it done. At one point, he said "If you go forward with that operation, I will not go with you". I felt as if he had physically slapped me. I was shocked, but did not back down. I cried and then he cried. He did come with me and was with me all the way. That says a lot, for two people in total disagreement, to be there for each other in the end.....

Mammogram - Say Yes

The next step in the breast cancer, was to go in for a surgical biopsy. Dr. G (our family doctor), introduced us to Dr. T (General Surgeon). During the Stereotactic biopsy, they had put a small titanium clip by the spot they suspected of cancer. I can't remember alot of what happened, just glimpses. I remember a woman, who had to stick a long, thin needle into my breast, she talked about her sister, who had breast cancer, that was too advanced and she died. It scared her so much, that she actually had a double mastectomy to make sure she wouldn't succumb to the same awful death, I can't imagine how deep those experiences must of affected her, for her to make such a decision. I felt so many different emotions, while she told me this, that while she stuck that needle in my breast, it was like nothing, okay a needle is in my breast, so? Maybe, that is why she talked about it, I don't know. But, I will never forget her.
I also remember something ...where they took me in a room, with Clark (he was not a stroke survivor at this point (that was yet to come)), but they had to inject this dye, OH yes I remember that was for the 3rd surgery. When they removed my lymph nodes. I will get to that later, and the awful fight Clark and I had.
Sorry, I am confusing things. I never kept a journal, about this experience.
To make this short, I had a biopsy, where they removed tissue about the size of a melon ball. It came back as cancerous:
Ductal carcinoma, invasive, grade 2, Scarff-Bloom-Richardson tubule+nuclear+mitotic scores 3+2+2=7, with extensive intraductal component (high grade). Tumor measures 0.32 cm, adjacent to needle core biopsy site.
Excision margins negative; nearest margin, lateral, is 0.8 cm from invasive carcinoma, 0.5 cm from ductal carcinoma in situ.
Very small, very early, it was Estrogen Receptor positive, very good news, the only negative aspect was the HER2/neu was 2+. So my oncologist, watches this very closely.
I will go more into that later.
Anyway, the MAMMOGRAM was the key, I am a very lucky lady......

Delicate Balance & Team Work

Today, Clark went to see our family doctor without me? This doesn't sound like a big deal does it? But, this is the first time since 2003 that he did. I had to see the oncologist yesterday and couldn't get off work to do both. I wrote down the information I thought Dr. G would need and gave it to Clark for him.
Last night, I created a current medication list that Clark is taking. With the catherizations and bypass surgery, different doctors changed this and that. I knew Dr. G might not have everything he is or is not taking. One medication they took him off was his blood pressure, Altace. Well, Clark didn't give Dr. G the list, or didn't emphasize the importance of it. Dr. G wrote me a note to "increase" his Altace to 10mg daily. I will call the doctor tomorrow to make sure he knows that he is not on Altace like before, which was only 5 mg a day. I don't want Clark on a 10 mg, when he only needs 5 mg a day. Dr. G also wants Clark to have a MRI brain, MRA Brain, from the script I read, he wants them to check out where he had the carotid artery surgery and the left frontal hemorrhage area. I wish I could have been there... Clark has a lot of pain in the area, so that must be why.
My whole point to this post, is the importance of ... Delicate Balance: To let Clark handle his own health and independence without me & Team Work between Dr. G and us. It is so important to balance this, to let Clark grow and become even more independent of me, is of top priority, but to not keep your family doctor informed when many specialist are involved is also of utmost importance. Remember, if you have a good family doctor and YOU keep them updated, they will balance all the specialist information. Anyway, there is a balance and that is what I am striving for, along with Clark and Dr. G.

In some ways, I think this post was confusing, but I hope anyone that is dealing with care giving and doctors, take notice...this is very, very important....